The PhD Mommy

Parents of the Year... Not!

2009-10-11T21:00:00.006-05:00

Today we went to a local Arboretum to check out their Fall Festival. Even though it had rained all week and things were going to be a muddy mess we thought it would be a great place to let C run around and burn off some of that energy. They had piles and piles of pumpkins which was great... small ones he could pick up, big ones to climb on. This Arboretum is pretty kid friendly as they have these little theme houses throughout the grounds that the kids can go in to and play in.

Things were winding down, we were getting ready to head back out to the car and get home for lunch. Just as we were about to leave I spotted a kid-sized bench. I thought it would be really cute to get a picture of C sitting on this bench. My husband went along with my request, placing our son on the bench and then stepping back several feet to get out of the frame. Just then, C leans forward and does a face plant right onto the ground. That is, his feet didn't even hit the ground first. He didn't cry, he wasn't upset, and, most importantly, he wasn't injured. We, of course, felt terrible. Luckily, it had rained so much since the ground soaked and softened the blow. I'm not sure if anyone saw the incident. If they had, they could add it to the ever-growing list of reasons why we shouldn't be nominated Parents of the Year.

Before the "incident"

After the "incident"

Please check out this worthwhile blog from a Daddy blogger...

2009-10-10T22:25:00.003-05:00

Ever heard of the American Girl doll line by Mattel? Please check out this blog post from Clark Kent's Lunchbox. It is a well written post by SAHD, Ron Mattocks. Evidently, Mattel sells a homeless girl doll... as the story goes, "Gwen" and her mother live in their car as Gwen's dead-beat dad left them and her mother lost her job. The doll sells for $95. Utterly offensive... on many levels.

Fool, I don't eat Cheerios!

2009-10-08T21:56:00.003-05:00

I'm amazed at the behaviors toddlers pick up. Lately, C has been trying to feed his stuffed animals his Cheerios, string cheese, etc. Some of them don't even have mouths or an outline of a mouth but he knows that's where food, generally, goes. He's taken this one step beyond the stuffed animals and now tries to feed the cats the various items. One cat, Moxi, is pretty tolerant of The Boy. When she's had enough she'll run and hide. The other, Snickerdoodle, is a cat from hell. She is much less tolerant and has bapped (she's declawed since we anticipated this problem) The Boy a couple times in an effort to stand her ground. The other day poor Moxi got corralled into his room on accident. C saw this as the perfect opportunity to "share" his Cheerios with her. The look on her face was priceless: one of disgust and confusion. If she could talk I believe she would have said: Fool, I don't eat Cheerios!

Calgon... crack... something take me away

2009-10-06T20:45:00.004-05:00

I'm beat. Stick a fork in me... I'm done.

As it turns out the 10 days of amoxicillin for C's ear infection didn't kick it. I called his Ped's office yesterday mentioning we had just finished up the antibiotics on Saturday and now, on Monday, he was running a fever again... might it still be the ear infection? I was assured by the nurse that: NO, no, it was not still the ear infection. Hmmmm... I didn't know that phone diagnoses could be made with things like that. I was instructed to call back if things worsened. Oh yah, that's exactly what happened.

Last night was r-o-u-g-h. C was pretty out of it early in the evening, ended up vomiting and had a fever that crept up to 103.5F. He was up off and on throughout the night. Finally, at 3:30 am we set up shop in his room, spreading blankets all over the floor and slept in his room. He got a few hours of solid sleep. I called the Ped's office again this morning, getting him an appointment for 10 am. After a 35 min wait in the waiting room, we were finally seen. (Let me just say, sick toddler or well toddler, a 35 min wait is torturous. In order to expedite us getting a room I decided to hover over the receptionist desk during the wrestling match with my son. I don't know if it helped us getting a room faster but it sure made me feel better knowing we were annoying them.) So, are you surprised that the diagnosis was ear infection?

Staying at home is challenging. Period. Staying home with a sick kid is downright draining. I'm wiped and will be heading to bed. After some difficulty getting C to bed, I anticipate getting up a few times throughout the night.

It's abstract season and I'm home with a sick kiddo, again...

2009-10-05T14:00:00.003-05:00

I don't know about other fields, but in mine the month of October is what I call "abstract season". Two conferences that I typically attend have submission deadlines the first week in November. Add on top of that, a last minute announcement about another internal poster session with the nearby medical school where I have a joint appointment. I'm already behind and feeling the pressure to wrap up these analyses but things move slowly when there are other tasks to attend to: meetings, recruiting events (for research subjects), training sessions, and, oh yah, those pesky experiments. Needless to say, when the day care called and said that C was running a fever of 103F a little selfish part inside of me was angry. Not at C, but at the general situation. Can't one week go by where we're all well?

I thought C was coming down with something. He's had a runny nose the past couple of days. He's also been drooling a lot and putting EVERYTHING into his mouth. (Teething? Cold?) He woke up earlier than usual this morning and wouldn't eat breakfast (very unlike him to skip breakfast). I checked his temperature. Normal. So off to day care we went. Now, I have to admit that I'm not entirely sure I understand the timeframe in which all of these events occurred: outside play, temperature taking, and lunch time. When I got there to pick C up he was sleeping. After I got him up he didn't feel THAT warm to me. He wasn't fussy and didn't seem out of it, like you'd expect with a high fever. I wondered if his temperature was as high as they reported to me on the phone. I got him home and took it, getting 101.3F. Wanting to confirm that our thermometer wasn't broken, I found another digital thermometer and carried out my own experiment: one thermometer under each arm for comparison. How's that for a visual? (Here's a funny thermometer story from another blog.) So, definitely a temp but where did the 103F come from? I'm thinking they took it right after he was running around outside, which would, clearly increase temperature. (We sweat to dissipate that extra body heat.)

So, I guess I get to head back in to the lab after my husband gets home so I can get these analyses going. Not the way I like to start off the week...

WD40--A girl's best friend

2009-10-02T20:33:00.003-05:00

Why, you ask, would WD40 be a girl's best friend? Earlier this week I had an enraging experience. Our garage door has been sticking a little when the electric door opener/closer is used to close the garage door. At first it wasn't really annoying since after a couple of tries it would eventually get far enough past the sticking point to actually shut. Well, it had to be on a day when I was running a few minutes late that the door wouldn't shut at all. It would start to shut a couple of feet and then go back to the open position. I've learned that if you stop the process at the right time you can get it past that sticking point. This strategy wasn't working. After about 7 minutes of trying from the driver's seat of my car, I decided that maybe if I got out and stood 2 feet in front the door that maybe that would help. (I don't know why, it just seemed right at the time.) There I am standing in the dark, garage door clicker in hand. It didn't work. I became so enraged I almost resorted to beating the shit out of that stupid door. I'm swearing like a drunken sailor, beginning to sweat a little, and starting to feel a lot like Lou Ferrigno. Suddenly aware that my son is watching me from the back seat, I slowly turn around and wave to him, fake smile and all. He's obliviously kicking his feet and looking around like: man, if she doesn't hurry I'm gonna miss out on claiming the good toys at day care.

I finally decided that I would have to manually shut the garage door, something I had never done before. (We've never lived in a house with a garage!) Okay, I'm a scientist, not an engineer but I managed to pull the right cords and get the thing shut and latched. Thanks to a WD40 purchase that night and some strategic spraying, the door no longer sticks. I no longer have to worry about beating the shit out of a garage door or turning in to the Incredible Hulk. What else can I apply WD40 to? It seems to have magical powers.

The worst work personalities all in one

2009-09-29T20:56:00.004-05:00

Since I got to thinking about my son as Fred Sanford (which, by the way, has spread to my husband's co-workers who now affectionately call my son "Freddy") I started thinking about how toddlers are really all the worst work personalities all wrapped up in to one pint-sized being. Sometimes. We've been running a pretty good string of good days, which will now be jinxed because I said it (stoopid, stoopid, stoopid!) but think about those bad times/days and how they can be related to all those quirky personalities at work.

The one without people skills

Work: we've all come across these people (usually engineers, right?) that just can't seem to have appropriate interactions with other people.

Toddler: why do they all of a sudden do something strange that NEVER occurred before? Example, I was bending over picking something off the floor (probably some stale Cheerios or something else my son so nicely threw on the floor) and my son (14 months old, mind you) lifts up the back of my shirt, grabs onto my underwear and yanks it up. WTF? My 14 month old son just gave me a wedgie? Where did he learn that? (I'm gonna blame day care.)

The one that has that 1980's hairstyle but thinks they're cool

Work: you know this person. They probably have the last supply of Aqua Net and still own a crimping iron.

Toddler: hair grows in a different rates making a very strange 'do. Example, up until 2 weekends ago when we finally took C in for his first haircut my son had what we called the Bullet (b-ullet, or baby mullet). Yes, I do realize this is actually MY fault but this isn't about me, now is it?

The one that always puts the bathroom "out of order"

Work: the person that always manages to overflow the toilet or, worse yet, doesn't flush.

Toddler: uh, let's see... during breakfast, leans forward in highchair while grunting and red faced. When asked: are you alright? gives that weird half-smile that can only mean one thing... the unplanned-bath-for-baby-before-mommy-goes-to-work because sometimes it's just easier to start all over.

The sensitive one

Work: the one that cries at the smallest constructive criticism.

Toddler: some days you look at them funny and that's enough to set things off.

The overbearing one

Work: the one that needs to be involved in everything.

Toddler: what ever you have is what I want. Andale, woman!

The disgruntled one

Work: the one that's never happy. They always have something to complain about.

Toddler: what ever you've given me is not good enough. Example, the other day I was feeding my son dinner. He was so fixated on something that was on top of the microwave (where we keep pretzels, Goldfish crackers, etc.). At first I ignored him but the pointing just became too much (yes, mistake #1, I know). I pick up the pretzels, is THIS (said loudly and slowly as if to make more enticing) what you want? I get the violent head shaking and the hand waving. No. I move to the Goldfish, is THIS what you want? Again, head shaking and hand waving. No. I'm beginning to get frightened as I'm running out of options...

So, what I really imagine is all of these personalities rolled up in one barely 3' individual. It's no wonder some days I fear my 14 month old.

Fred Sanford and my child have a lot in common

2009-09-28T20:16:00.003-05:00

Do you remember that show Sanford and Son? I loved that show when I was little. For some reason I had that theme song stuck in my head the other day, which got me to thinking. C is a lot like Fred. The Buddha belly, the bumbling walk like one leg is about 3 inches shorter than the other, the rambling on in incoherent sentences...

Bad doggy

2009-09-27T10:42:00.013-05:00

Oh boy. We are going to have to make some seriously tough decisions here. We have a 13 year old shepherd mix mutt that we've had since she was 8 weeks old. She has been a loyal friend throughout the years. When my husband was in the Army and stationed overseas she kept me company and feeling safe. I've never doubted her being around kids and other people, including strangers, until the past year or so. As such, I've always been very careful about keeping her and my son apart since, in her old age, I've noticed she's snipped at the cats more. I even took her to the vet a few weeks ago for a teeth cleaning and mentioned that she just doesn't seem herself. The vet's office drew a blood sample to look at things like her thyroid and estrogen concentrations. Everything came back normal. Diagnosis: normal age related changes. She's an otherwise healthy dog. (We do know she is losing her hearing and are very careful not to sneak up behind her or touch her when she is sleeping.)

Well, today she snipped at my son. We had her blocked in the kitchen with a ottoman-bench-thingy. (Yes, it's a ghetto way of doing things but a baby gate won't fit there since it's too wide.) My husband was watching as C just reached over to touch her. He wasn't poking her or pulling on her ears. He just reached out to touch her and she snipped at him. He cried but I think it scared him more than anything since my husband also ran over and yelled at the dog. (I am NOT making excuses for the dog.)

I always thought this would be a black and white decision if ever posed with how to handle it. Put the dog down, right? I honestly didn't think we'd ever have to deal with it as I didn't think the dog would live long enough to be moving with us to Texas when my son was old enough to start walking. Thus, I thought the problem would solve itself, in a way. But, here we are and I just don't know what to do. I see these as viable options:

1) Find her a new home. (We'd make it very clear that she shouldn't be around children or other animals.)

2) Put her down.

3) Keep her and make sure that she and my son are never, ever in a place where they can interact.

Counters to viable options:

1) How do you know she is going to a good home? What if she does attack a child in someone else's care? Does that still make us responsible in a way? (I'm not thinking legally, I'm thinking: how would my conscience ever rest if she did attack or injure someone else's child because they thought she was okay with being around kids.)

2) Who would be willing to take on a 13 year old "problem" dog?

3) Does putting her down seem like an extreme reaction? (I'm not saying wait 'til she does something worse.)

4) What kind of quality of life do we create keeping her separated from her pack a majority of the time? It seems cruel.

I think I know what the right answer is, unfortunately. (Unless we can come up with something creative...)

Any other parents had to deal with this problem? If so, what did you do?

Appreciate your postdoc

2009-09-23T20:16:00.006-05:00

"We are celebrating the significant contribution that postdoctoral scholars make to the U.S. scientific research enterprise and, at the same time, increasing awareness of this contribution." ~National Postdoc Association

Tomorrow is the 1st Annual National Postdoc Appreciation Day! While I was hoping for clowns, balloon animals, and a large inflatable trampoline, my mentor is taking us out to lunch to celebrate "our" day. (For the record, however, I will say that she really does make you feel like you are appreciated everyday.)I've been getting propaganda through the National Postdoc Association about making this a nationally recognized day. Do you think mentors/PIs take this seriously or is it just a big joke? Unfortunately, I think the scientific community expects (and understands) that highly educated (and underpaid*) individuals do a majority of scientific research.

*And I do mean underpaid. I make almost exactly the same salary I did with a BS degree right out of college. That was in 2002. So, adjust that salary for inflation and I really make less. There is an interesting article about postdoc salaries here and another blog posting here. I may really need to devote an entire post to this issue!

Literal literary reviews

2009-09-21T20:41:00.010-05:00

"The Going to Bed Book" (by Sandra Boynton) is one of my favorites, as well as my son's. We read it every night. I love most of Sandra Boynton's books except every once in awhile her story lines throw me for a loop. Like, in this book the animals get ready for bed: they get their jammies on, they brush and brush and brush their teeth.... then they go up to exercise?! I don't get it. Maybe it's the scientist in me and I should embrace my artsy-fartsy free flowing side a little more.

The first time I read "Guess How Much I Love You" (by Sam McBratney) to my son he was about 1 year old. This book actually got me all choked up! For those of you with kids I think you understand. Once that little one comes in to your life, you experience a level of love you never even knew existed. This book is near the top of my list because it very simply expresses the love a parent has for his/her child. Now that I've been reading the book for a couple of months I've noticed something about it... what's up with Big Nutbrown Hare always one-upping Little Nutbrown Hare?

The last book, "Trains" (by Byron Barton), is one of my son's favorites. He will bring this book to me to read over and over and over. (Yay?) It's a simple book with really simple sentences, which makes it seem very unimaginative. But, it's a great book that allows you to ad-lib with train noises, workers singing, and the conductor shouting "All aboard!", which I think is what my son likes about it.

Sometimes I look at kids books and think: I could write a kids book. But then I remember... that's right, I can't draw (does a stick figure count?) and my thoughts generally consist of science experiments, not creative shenanigans involving animals that exercise AFTER getting ready for bed. A children's book about the scientific method or hypothesis testing may, indeed, put a little one to sleep but I doubt it would be a book he/she begs you to read.

Who needs a post it note?

2009-09-18T20:48:00.003-05:00

C's day care gives us a form each day called "Toddler Talk". It outlines whether he ate all his meals, when his diaper was changed throughout the day and notes his general mood. There's also a small section for notes where they'll request more diapers, wipes, etc. I DO look these over since I am interested in what he did during the day.

Well, today was a typical day: ate all his meals, diaper changes at the typical times...

When I got him home we started our regular routine of getting our hands washed (priority number one) and dinner ready. After dinner my husband got home... just in time to help with bath time. I got the water running while my husband attempted to get The Boy undressed while the The Boy was running rambunctiously throughout the living room. I happened to round the corner just as The Boy came running towards me. I noticed something written on his diaper.

The post-doc gets no respect

2009-09-17T20:39:00.004-05:00

I don't have a big ego. I don't introduce myself as Dr. ThePhDMommy. I think part of it comes from how formal the environment was where I received my PhD training. All the faculty in my discipline was referred to as Dr. X, Y, and Z. It was off-putting to me. I started grad school at 30 years old. I respected these people for their accomplishments but did I need to be reminded on a daily basis that, as a grad student, I wasn't an equal? We got that loud and clear on Day 1 and it wasn't something easily forgotten.

Well, now that I've moved on to my post-doc position I thought those days of being treated like the scum of the earth were behind me. I was wrong. I've noticed a certain attitude among the administrative staff... one that reeks of superiority. Now, I don't think ANYONE should have a superiority complex. We all fulfill a role in the workplace (albeit, some better than others!) that is necessary to maintain forward progress.

I have substantial research experience that includes all aspects of research... not just the science. When I write something for the IRB, for example, I have thought out what I have written. My words are chosen based on my scientific experience. In other words: I mean what I say.

The other day I handed off some IRB paperwork to one of our administrative assistants to file with the IRB. The next day she sent me an email stating that she had REWORDED the text I gave her. Now, I didn't get this email until the next day since I was at home with a sick kiddo. I honestly wasn't that torqued about it until I called her to talk about it and found out she had ALREADY SUBMITTED THAT PAPERWORK... with HER "corrections".

I know she probably meant well. Nothing really came of it since she called the IRB and had the paperwork rescinded. No harm, no foul? Not really. I felt very disrespected in the process. Does the "PhD" after my name not deserve any respect? The post-doc, I'm learning, holds a status that can be likened to the crusty-dog-shit-that-you-can't-get-out-of-the-tread-of-your-shoe. Oh yah, I may be that crusty dog shit but this is what I have to say: that's Dr. Crusty Dog Shit to you!

Triple threat

2009-09-15T18:53:00.004-05:00

It seems that the day care cooties have put my name on a hit list. In the past week I've been hit with a cold of which the tail end was the beginning of the stomach flu of which the tail end was the beginning of a massive migraine. (Hence, the triple threat.) I would not make a very good chronically ill person. I complain a lot when I am sick. But, it's because I don't feel good damnit!

C managed to avoid the stomach flu, I think. I picked him up from day care today and noticed he looked a little tired and felt warm. When I got him home I took his temp... 100.1 F (under the arm). [Sigh] I've already missed two days of work this pay period. One because of him and one because my inability to separate myself from the bathroom. I'm afraid I will be taking tomorrow off too. I see how this can become an issue for single parents (moms or dads). I also see how it's difficult being far from a support network (i.e., family) that can help out in these situations.

I should clarify my husband's role in this situation, for those who may be wondering. He recently started his job working as a city employee. However, for all intents and purposes he is in school (i.e., job training) that lasts 8 months. There are no make ups, there are no sick days. If he misses 10% he can get kicked out. It is what it is, my friends.

My boss is very understanding but I can't help but feel like "that" person. My game plan for tomorrow: keep The Boy home, go pick up some work and hope that I can get some stuff done at home so I don't dip in to my PTO.

Feeling a little domestic

2009-09-10T12:57:00.005-05:00

Alrighty, before you get your panties all in a bunch... I'm not starting any war with SAHMs. (Phew!)

I had to stay home from work today since my little man is not feeling so well. No fever but he's got a runny nose, a slight cough, and looks pale and run down. I have a sore throat so I think I'm a few days behind him in what he has.

I'm always envious of people that can whip up a tasty meal quickly during the hectic week. I do my best to plan ahead so I'm not wasting too much time figuring out what we're going to eat. See, I get home with The Boy around 5:30 pm... he's already starving and I hate to feed him snacks right before dinner. (Although, sometimes I will give him part of his dinner while I'm getting the rest ready.) It is really hard to make something good (nutritious and tasty) in 20-25 min. (Bath time is at 6:30-6:45 pm since bed time is 7:30 pm.) I've thought about making stuff on Sundays that could be re-heated throughout the week, but, let's face it, I don't want to spend all of Sunday cooking. So! Since I am home today I thought I would make some of our favorite chicken enchilada casserole. Yummm... I can almost taste it. There are benefits to a sick kiddo. (?)

Do you have any stand-by recipes that are nutritious and tasty for those busy weekdays?

Dislike!

2009-09-09T22:27:00.004-05:00

Have you noticed that the way technology is set up we have the ability to state likes and dislikes... just like that! There's no explanation... simply: dislike. Facebook, for example, allows you to click on the "like" button if you like someone's status. (Why don't they have a "dislike" button? Think it would start too many arguments?) Pandora Radio allows you to click on the "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" when customizing your radio stations. How does this bleed into real life? Maybe the next time I'm in my Monday morning meeting and someone says something stupid I'll instinctively reach over to click a "dislike" or worse yet, give them a thumbs down.

Must haves for the first year... Part II

2009-09-09T21:52:00.003-05:00

Here's a continuation of items I found helpful during C's first year. Everyone has different tastes and, of course, the baby will have his/her own set of likes and dislikes but for me these were must haves:

Traditional Lullaby CD by Twin Sisters. I love this CD. We played it every time we put C down for a nap or bed time until he was about 10 1/2 months old. We still use during those cranky nights or when he's not feeling well. We have another lullaby CD that I don't like as much because the volume increases a lot in certain parts (it's classical music so it's supposed to do that but is not very good for sleeping babies). Honestly, the only reason we don't use it regularly now is due to the set up of his room. There isn't a place to put his CD player and have it plugged in where C can't get to it.

Little Noses saline drops. Great for deboogerizing. 'Nuff said? Except that I have a major fixation with booger removal. I hate seeing my son with dried up yuckies in his nose so I probably go a little ape shit in removing them. (It'll give him something to complain to his therapist about.)

Halo SleepSack. This SleepSack was great for the winter when C was too young for blankets. We lived in a very cold, snowy climate. We could turn down the house thermostat a little and not be worried that our munchkin was freezing in the other room.

Portable DVD player. I know these are controversial. I said I would never own one of these. I think my exact words were something to the effect of: we didn't have them when we were growing up... kids need to learn to entertain themselves. It build character. [Insert angry old man noise here.] Okay. When we found out we would be driving 1400 miles and spending about 21 hrs in the car to move to Texas I thought: character building? Who needs that? We don't use it for cross town trips but for longer car rides it just makes it easier for all involved.

The Bob Revolution jogging stroller. In our attempt to stay somewhat physically active we bought this stroller and haven't been disappointed. I will say that if you are considering this stroller keep in mind there are two models... one with a front tire that is locked into place and another that swivels but allows you to lock it when you need to. Get the latter model. We almost bought the former but were approached by two women in REI that cautioned us about the wide turning radius of the first model. We liked that model because of the hand brake but as it turns out you don't really need it unless you are a very serious runner, which I clearly am not.

BornFree bottles. We got the glass ones and then supplemented with the BPA free plastic ones. Eh, I never found a bottle that had all the endearing characteristics I had hoped to find but these were good bottles. Cons: a lot of parts to wash, must be put together correctly or they leak, expensive.

Playtex sippy cups. We tried a couple different sippy cups and decided these were the best. They don't leak (unless hurled from a high chair). The con: they have valves that need to be washed by hand.

My mini Elmer Fudd

2009-09-02T20:42:00.003-05:00

I had the pleasure of experiencing my first toddler temper tantrum today. It did not disappoint... complete with running in place, head thrown back, alligator tears and Elmer Fudd wavey lines emanating from my toddler's head. C has become more efficient as a biped these days... moving from point A to B in less and less time. We finished dinner a little early so I let him run around the living room while we were getting things cleaned up. I really like to stick to a schedule with him so I went to get his bath started after a few minutes. He normally loves bath time but I'm guessing running around time is more fun than sitting in a tub of water soaking in your on filth. As soon as I started to undress him he realized it was bath time. This is where things got u-g-l-y. I don't have much experience with these types of things. In general I tend to be even-keeled. I'm not the kind of mother that runs to my son as soon as he falls (as long as he's not seriously injured) or immediately steps in to help him when he gets frustrated. I'll admit that this whole series of events was somewhat amusing. However, it also reminded me of the innocence of childhood. C was so in the here and now. All he knew was that his idea of fun was going to end. He's not worried about Health Care Reform, swine flu, or the present state of the economy. This event, having to take a bath, IS the worst thing in his life at this moment. I can't reason with him. I can't distract him. Can I fault him for his reaction?

I know this: this might be my first tantrum but it surely won't be my last. Maybe after a few hundred of these I won't see things the same.

Sometimes a scientist likes to feel sexy too

2009-09-01T20:07:00.003-05:00

I hate the fashion stereotype that scientists get. I mean, not all of us look like we're stuck in circa 1982. Now, I will admit I'm not totally versed in the world of fashion. Post-docs don't make a whole heck of a lot so it's hard to fund an expensive clothing habit. However, I try to add a little variety and individuality to my wardrobe within the constraints of professional attire. My birthday was in July and as a result I had a little extra spending money. I went to the mall to see what might catch my eye and found these shoes. (I LOVE shoes.) They're slightly whorish but I thought with the right pair of slacks they could still look professional. At the very least, on a bad day, I could click my heels together and repeat: there's no place like home.

SAHM vs. the working mom

2009-08-29T22:31:00.005-05:00

Okay, I admit that I use Facebook and, like anyone else, have a ton of "friends". You know, the people you haven't seen or talked to in 15 years? One friend posted something a few days ago that was very innocent: about her kids making messes faster than she can clean them up. This particular friend is a stay at home mom. One of her friends comments that working mothers have it so much harder than SAHMs. That comment was then followed by several others stating that SAHMs have it much harder than working moms. This whole exchange of comments REALLY bothered me. I've found myself consumed by it for the last 3 days. At first I was going to leave it alone. But... I couldn't. So, I commented (and I am paraphrasing here) that I was disappointed with the lack of respect from both ends of the "argument". Being a mom is difficult, regardless of whether you are a SAHM or a working mom.

Am I being overly sensitive here? Obviously, I am a working mom. I resent the fact that someone thinks I have an easier life because I pay someone to watch my son while I work to put food on the table, pay for extracurriculars, and advance my career. Is the assumption that it is easy to make this decision? I never saw myself as a SAHM type but I don't judge those that chose that path. I wanted a career and I've worked very hard at trying to situate myself for what is best for my family. These decisions aren't easy and they don't come without sacrifice. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt for leaving my son at daycare but I also know I wouldn't be happy without a career outside of the home.

I guess I am mostly disappointed that these women on Facebook have shown such a lack of respect for one another. I would have hoped that we could embrace our similarities and respect our differences. Suffice it to say I have a few less "friends" today but that may best for all involved.

Must haves for the first year... Part I

2009-08-26T19:34:00.005-05:00

As I reflect back on the first year or so of my son's life I think about the items that really saved me. I know each child is different and these are just my opinion so take it for what it's worth. I've decided to parcel them into Part I, Part II, etc since I know I won't remember them all in one sitting. I will also do a post with items that were of no value to me. Again, only my experience/opinion and I'm sure for every item I hated there will be dozens that loved it. I will preface with this by saying the biggest problem I've had with products for my son is when they don't accommodate larger babies. Some products are just made for smaller guys, which my guy is not.

The Amazing Miracle Blanket - both amazing and a miracle indeed! It's a swaddling blanket without the horrid velcro that seems to scare the bejebus out of any infant. It's great for babies that are bigger than average since there's more material to wrap around. Did I mention there wasn't any velcro?

Boppy pillow - great for breast feeding, tummy time, and learning to sit.

Evenflo ExerSaucer SmartSteps Active Learning Center - a great play toy, helps strengthen legs, and helps with reaching. Plus, it gives them a new perspective since they're not on the floor staring up at everyone. These are very controversial it seems. I think as long as you're not leaving your baby in it for hours on end it's okay for them to practice using those legs. My child is not bow legged and it didn't delay his walking. (He started walking 6 days after his first birthday.)

Avent Isis IQ duo breast pump - MUCH better than the Medela Pump in Style in terms of milk production. Yah, I went there. There are some cons such as the set up (i.e., more parts) but for the most part a superior pump to the very popular Medela Pump in Style. You control the frequency and the strength of the suction with a manual hand pump. After a couple of pumps that feel alright you press a button and it continues that frequency and strength. Now, I was lucky since I participated in a research study that gave the Avent pump away for free. I had already purchased the Medela so I decided to keep them both. The pro for the Medela is that is travels easier and has attachments like the cigarette lighter adapter for car use or a battery power pack. Of course they might be available for the Avent now... I haven't checked recently.

The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD - my friend recommended this video. It was so helpful after those quiet 2 weeks dissipated and our son became a little more fussy. It goes over ways to soothe and calm your infant. It really is a must have or must rent/borrow.

To be continued...

I hope she doesn't break up with us

2009-08-25T20:47:00.002-05:00

Man, oh man. I did a stupid thing today. Don't you hate it when you think you've done everything right when in reality you f---ed up big time?

My husband had a work function that we both needed to attend this evening so we got a sitter for our 13 month old son. We've never used a teenaged baby sitter but she came highly recommended by our next door neighbor. Since she was going to be here during dinner time I ordered a pizza for her and my son. I purposely ordered it early to make sure I would be home to pay the pizza delivery driver and get them settled. (Call me paranoid but I worry about a stranger coming to the door when a teenager is watching my son.) I thought I would just put it in the oven and turn the oven to the lowest temperature.

Can you see where this is going?

We got home a little earlier than expected... opening the door a strong burnt smell and some fans running in the living room that don't belong to us. I quickly noticed some ash by the oven. I heard C fussing a little in the other room. (It was past his bedtime and I didn't really expect him to go to bed willingly for a the new baby sitter.) I found the baby sitter and C in his room. She looked so worried that I was going to be upset! I calmly and unassumingly asked what happened and she said she noticed a funny smell in the kitchen and so she open the oven to find the pizza box completely charred. Luckily my neighbors were home (the ones that recommended her) so she called them to come assess the situation. (I'm so embarrassed!... BUT so thankful.) They came over, got the burning pizza out of the oven and set up fans. They also brought over dinner for C since his dinner was ruined. Sigh. I feel like a terrible mommy!

I wonder if we've scared off the new baby sitter? I hope not, she's a really sweet girl... takes AP classes, on the high school swim team, seems very responsible. Double sigh... I hope she doesn't break up with us...

Something's gotta give

2009-08-22T09:01:00.005-05:00

I've always been a huge lover of animals. There's just something nice about coming home to a wagging tail or a crunchy meow. Now, pre-baby all was good but I'm finding my patience with my four-legged "babies" is quickly dwindling. Our dog is 13 years old and we think she is losing her hearing. As such she doesn't listen to commands such as "watchout". Since she's getting a little geriatric we've also been very careful in keeping the dog and our toddler away from each other. I've surprised her a few times while she was sleeping and while she did not bite/nip at me she definitely was quick to put her mouth in my direction. (You see, the cats are always plotting against her... putting stale Cheerios up her nose when she's sleeping, putting her bra in the freezer... so she's a little jumpy at times.)

We once visited the Point Defiance Zoo in Tacoma, WA and saw an engineering marvel, unlike my master bathroom. The enclosure for the elephants had a very elaborate system to shuttle elephants from one area to another, keeping elephants separate and the zoo keepers out of harms way. I need this system.

Our dog has mostly been an inside dog and is very much a people lover. Lately I've been putting her in the yard just to keep her out of the way as I'm running from room to room trying to gather last minute items before heading out the door to get C to day care and me to work. (This dog loves to follow you from in front, if you know what I mean.) You know what she does? She stands in the far corner of the yard and barks at the house. For some reason I CANNOT ignore this. It absolutely boils my blood. It makes me irate! I'd hate to be THAT neighbor with the barking dog. Furthermore, I'd hate to be that person shouting obscenities to my dog at 6:45 am. I might as well throw curlers into my hair, put on a bathrobe, light a cigarette, and let my baby walk around with poop leaking out of his diaper...

Anyone else find that their patience with their animals is much less after having kids?

A boy that likes to squish his balls

2009-08-20T21:58:00.003-05:00

Figuratively, speaking of course.

My husband recently posted a blog about our son and his proclivity towards calling everything a ball. We've tried to be encouraging as this is his first word besides dada (and the occasional mama). C points out everything spherical in nature... some are balls, some are not. The other weekend we visited our neighborhood park where our son noticed some colorful balloons displayed at a child's birthday party. He was quick to point them out and then started his determined Frankenstein walk, falling about every 2-3 steps, toward these balls that were clearly taunting him. As he got closer his determination became fiercer, as did the word ball become louder out of his mouth.

At home, there are many types of balls we encounter on a daily basis... football, basketball, beach ball, peas, blueberries... C loves blueberries. (During a picky food phase I allowed him to eat them in mass quantities, such that his little bottom was actually stained blue.) This evening he finished eating his dinner but still seemed a tad hungry so I offered up some blueberries, which he eagerly munched on. Lately, C has been experimenting with smashing his food... into his hair, onto his shirt, or squishing it between his fingers. He careful selected two blueberries--one for each hand--and proceeded to squish them with such ferocity I think I heard the quiet cries of men all across the world.

Balancing a dissertation and a newborn

2009-08-18T19:25:00.006-05:00

I recently read a post on another blog that reminded me so much of how difficult it can be to balance grad school and a new baby. Looking back, I don't really know how I did it and survived. Grad school is a unique beast. So much of how you are judged against your peers is based on how productive you appear. (I guess this really holds true for any job, in a way.) You could be very efficient at what you do but leaving the lab at 3:00 pm... well, that makes you a slacker. Leaving the lab at 3:00 pm makes you a slacker, even if you've been there since 6:00 am running experiments or if you go back later and work 'til midnight... because nobody SEES you there. I was fortunate in that my advisor was not the micromanaging type. We talked early on about what his expectations might be and, luckily, he was very up front about it: get your work done and I won't care what hours you hold. I held him to that statement and that's exactly what I did, but I would still receive the snide comments from other faculty members (not even members of my committee, mind you).

I was due with C in July 2008, had just finished the 4th study of my dissertation and was working on getting the 5th and final one up and running. The timing couldn't have been worse. I had a couple of very new undergrads working in the lab that summer but they had no clue how to do anything in the lab. I had several training sessions with them and tasked them with recruiting subjects for my last study, which didn't go so well. (As evidenced by the emails and text messages they received from me while I was in the hospital.) With the due date quickly approaching I felt like I couldn't enjoy preparing for our son's arrival. I was working, working, and working... trying to get as much done on my dissertation as I could. I was dead set on a May graduation because my fellowship funding was going to run out. My fellowship paid about $5000 more per year than the departmental assistantship. Although I was confident that my advisor would put me on his grant if it became necessary (at the departmental assistantship pay level), I never let myself consider that option. I had been there for 5 years and I needed to move on.

I felt good throughout my pregnancy but those last few days were long and tiring. The Thursday before my due date I decided to take that Friday off as a last 3-day weekend before the baby was born. (Like I was going to do something wild and crazy, right?) Saturday night I started having contractions. After 26 hrs of labor I had an emergency c-section. When the OB told me that a c-section had become necessary I broke down to my husband. All I could think about was how this was going to slow down progress on my dissertation. (How f---ed is that?) I had always heard horror stories of a 12 week recovery and my vision of a May graduation seemed to fade away. Obviously my son's health was more important and so off to surgery I went.

The recovery wasn't as bad as I anticipated but clearly I hadn't planned on a c-section in the grand scheme of things. I was planning to take 2 weeks off and then start back part-time. That was the hardest decision I have ever made: to go back when C was 3 weeks old. I had to do it so that I could graduate on time. In retrospect, had I even taken one more week I wouldn't have graduated. I got a mixture of responses, ranging from being a hero to a parent someone should call CPS about. The guilt was tremendously difficult to handle. I had to grow thick skin very quickly; people say really dumb things sometimes. I eased into working in the lab... a few hours a day. I was still healing from the surgery which definitely slowed me down. The lack of sleep played tricks with my mind too. Those several weeks are all a haze. I honestly don't know how I survived it without being heavily medicated. Did I even know my name? Maybe on a good day. When C was about 6 weeks old I was essentially full-time.

I finished my 5th study in December right before school got out for the semester. It all played out exactly how I thought it would, which was great. I was on schedule as long as I could write at the pace I anticipated. In January of this year I was more productive than I've ever been. I wrote my entire dissertation... 175 pages in 3 1/2 months. I would go in to the lab around 8:00 am and leave at 3:30 pm to hang out with C for a couple of hours. He was going to bed between 5:00-5:30 pm for the night. After he went to bed, we'd eat dinner and then I would head back to the lab from 6:30 pm until midnight... writing. I did this for a couple of months. Some days I wanted to cry. I was so pissed that I had what felt like an overwhelming amount of work to do, but I couldn't afford to take the time to cry.

By the time my defense approached I felt ready but I also felt numb. I almost didn't care if I didn't pass... I just wanted to be done. I know my story isn't unique. I know every grad student feels this way on some level but nobody talks about it. With an infant in tow a layer of complexity, I couldn't have possibly comprehended pre-baby, had been added to my life. I was so jealous of people that had normal 9-5 jobs and fantasized what that would be like. But, alas, I chose the path of a scientist. I'm not bitter about my experience. I think it made me stronger in many ways; I would do it over again. Academia provides many advantages--flexible hours and the ability to work from home, to name a couple. The caveat: you have to learn to ignore the snide comments and never, ever make excuses for yourself to those making the comments.